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Thomas Waldmann 198d9b5296
 docs: add the #10000 joke collection and its "We Are Borg" graphic 
Keeps the jokes from borgbackup/borg#10000 in the repo, next to the SVG
that illustrates them: a Borg cube tractor-beams in 14 files and emits a
chunk store holding 4 unique chunks with their reference counts.

"Redundancy is futile, your files will be deduplicated!"

The "WE ARE BORG" headline is set in the borg logo typeface (Black Ops One,
SIL OFL 1.1) and stored as outlines, so the SVG stays self-contained.

Co-Authored-By: Claude Opus 5 <noreply@anthropic.com>
2026-08-02 10:29:15 +02:00
..
README.md docs: add the #10000 joke collection and its "We Are Borg" graphic 2026-08-02 10:29:15 +02:00
we_are_borg.svg docs: add the #10000 joke collection and its "We Are Borg" graphic 2026-08-02 10:29:15 +02:00

README.md

We Are Borg — A Joke Collection

A copy of the jokes from borgbackup/borg#10000, kept here so they survive independently of the issue tracker.

We are Borg: redundancy is futile, your files will be deduplicated

The graphic is we_are_borg.svg — a self-contained SVG. The "WE ARE BORG" headline is set in the borg logo typeface (Black Ops One, James Grieshaber, SIL OFL 1.1 — see docs/_static/logo_font.txt) and stored as outlines, so no font needs to be installed or downloaded to render it.

First Contact

We are Borg. Your data will be assimilated. Your biological and technological distinctiveness will be added to our own chunk store.

  • "Resistance is futile." — Redundancy is futile, too. We deduplicate.
  • Lower your shields and surrender your files. We will add your uniqueness to our own — in fact, your uniqueness is the only thing we keep.
  • The Star Trek Borg add your distinctiveness to their own. borgbackup discards everything that isn't distinct. Somehow it's the same amount of terrifying.

Life in the Collective

  • The Borg Queen is just the repository lock: there can only be one, everything blocks while she holds it, and when she goes stale, chaos ensues.
  • borg compact: when the cube visibly shrinks after the dead drones are finally swept out.

Locutus Speaks

  • The Federation never managed to crack Borg encryption either. AEAD, presumably.
  • Species 8472: the only thing borg check --repair can't fix.

Q&A

  • Q: What does the Collective run every night at 02:00? A: borg create assimilation-{now}.
  • Q: What's the difference between the Borg Collective and a borg repository? A: Only one of them lets you leave with your data intact.

Closing Transmission

We are borg. You will back up. Restores are not futile.

The Fortress (that OTHER kind of Borg)

  • In Scandinavian languages, a borg is a fortress. Fitting: thick walls (AES-OCB), a single gate (your passphrase), and a moat (append-only mode).
  • Why is a borg repo like a medieval castle? Storming it takes brute force, and brute force takes a few billion years. Bring provisions.
  • Medieval siege engineers hated one weird trick: the defenders kept an off-site borg.
  • A castle without a backup is just a ruin waiting to be scheduled.